I can’t stress enough how important it is that you surround yourself with supportive people who make you feel important and special, and who enhance your life with their presence. If their presence is making you feel worse instead of better, re-evaluate why you’re letting them stay.
oh man, I FEEL ya on that one. I’m happy to say I’m moving back in the next couple of weeks to SF!
It’s a scary time because everything is so unknown and so uncertain…but it can also be very exciting for that very reason! I think we’re brought up with such a rigid sense of how we’re supposed to live our lives that we often forget we don’t have to play by the rules. We can make things up as we go along. We have freedom to veer off the path comprised of school then work then marriage, kids, and finally, retirement fund. Whenever I start to panic about what I’m doing (or not doing) with my life, Aaron is really good at reminding me that we can literally do whatever we want. Think about it…WHATEVER YOU WANT. Literally anything.
When I’m feeling unsure of what I want, I go to a quiet, cozy spot or the beach or on a hike…somewhere my thoughts are alone and uninterrupted, and I tap into my heart of hearts. I block out what my parents, my professors, and society wants from me and I ask what I want. I ask what my soul is longing to do and where it’s longing to go. Then I bring myself back to reality and ask myself how I can follow that dream and make it real. Don’t worry about the details, these years are not meant to feel solid or settled…embrace this part of your life! Embrace the chaos and just ride out the waves thrown at you.
The biggest step you can take is to release all the hatred you’re still carrying from your last relationship. No matter what your ex did to you, you need to come to terms with your experience and learn to forgive him. Most of the time that also involves forgiving yourself. If it’s healthy for you to talk to him, maybe even send him a message saying you want to make peace with your past with him…but of course don’t reopen communication. Once I forgave myself and my exes for the pain we caused one another, I was able to move forward with myself and let other people into my heart.
The past is there for a reason. The pain we experience can harden us, or it can teach us compassion, forgiveness, and acceptance. It can show us what we want and what we don’t want in the future. The most you can do is move forward with an open heart, but be selective about who is worthy to receive that heart. I think putting up walls to keep people out is harmful, but it is wise to have gatekeepers. The gatekeepers know your heart deserves kindness, humility, intelligence, humor, and a soul that echoes yours. A soul that wants to nuture your soul. Don’t be jaded, but grow from your past. It is a scary road to walk, but it can be so so worthwhile.